I’m Not Ginger I’m A Strawberry Shirt

When companies spend 10 years fighting over how little peanuts actually need to be in peanut butter to still be legally considered peanut butter, you’ve reached peak consumerism. This grocery store is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. All of the aisles are extended gutters and the gutters are full of unsweetened, bitter grain and one day all the lies and false advertising will froth up around the I’m Not Ginger I’m A Strawberry Shirt soccer moms and basket-carrying grandpas and they’ll all look up and shout “is this a healthy part of a balanced breakfast?” I was in a grocery store once, walking down the cereal aisle…when I looked over and realized the Dog and Cat food was on the other side of the aisle. I though “how appropriate – it’s all cereal – but this side is suger sweetie flavored.

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And this side is meat and fish-flavored but it is basically all the same stuff. How appropriate! The LIE of 2 scoops in the raisin bran box made me go to I’m Not Ginger I’m A Strawberry Shirt battle with them on their Facebook page where I uploaded similar photos, along with weights, and determined that the size of the scoops they were using were the size of 2 tablespoons. They reached out to me, and sent me coupons for 3 more boxes and said it was a production error. The raisin situation improved, and I am left to wonder who decided to throttle the raisins? I imagine some bean counter lost their job due to my outcry. That actually surprises me, because I always seem to get an unfathomable amount of raisins. One time I was really bored and decided to separate a box and lemme tell ya – those were two GENEROUS scoops.

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It was like two and a half cups of raisins. I’d believe their claims of a production error. I was supposed to meet with one of your floor managers last week for I’m Not Ginger I’m A Strawberry Shirt a quality inspection, and he or she wasn’t there. And I’m trying to remember who it was. Mm-hmm. Who wasn’t there last week? Debbie Brown. And which day was that? Wednesday, the eleventh. I bought a bag of pizza rolls & all that was inside was herbs. No pizza sauce, no cheese, no meat, just herbs. Pizza roll outside, with herbs. I took photos & emailed them in & told them the pizza rolls made me sad man, and a few months later they sent me. I’m remembering like 50$, but could have been more less of coupons for free totinos items. Free pizza rolls were the best. The coupons were cool too, shiny & holographic.

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